Getting comfortable with someone is rarely a walk in the park. Intimacy means something different to everyone and to get to a stage where you’re comfortable with intimacy, there may be a few things that need to happen first. Even for individuals who really enjoy sex, the concept of intimacy can feel like a whole other beast entirely.
However, it goes without saying that the emotional connection you have with another person can deepen your sexual bond. In a world that’s becoming increasingly digital, the emotional distance between you and your partner can feel even greater. Withdrawing and struggling with intimacy can be signs of an unhealthy relationship. If you’ve found yourself struggling to get intimate, here a few tips that can help you:
Create Time for It
While there’s nothing wrong with a quickie, being on the clock can create some barriers around intimacy. When both parties know that at least one of you has something to do or somewhere else to be, the focus can be diminished.
Quality sex that isn’t bound by the constraints of time gives you much more room to be open and connected. Take care of the items on your to-do list and then make time to be with your partner. That gives you flexibility to linger in the bedroom as long or as short as you’d like—giving you total control over your quality time.
Have you ever been at work and heard a “you did a great job from your boss”? Have you ever been at school when your teacher said, “you wrote a wonderful paper”? Anytime you receive words of encouragement, whether it’s from your boss, teacher, or parents, it can do wonders for your self-esteem.
Words of encouragement empower us to keep going and do better, and this sentiment is true in the bedroom, too. If your partner is doing something you like, let them know. You can communicate encouragement in the bedroom verbally or through moans, sighs, and gasps. Everyone likes to know when they’re doing a great job—let others know you like to hear, and let others hear it, too.
Show Eye Contact
Studies have shown that making eye contact can increase intimacy, giving you feelings of closeness with the other person. It can enhance the feeling of love, make conversation better, and deepen the connection you feel with someone in the moment. This doesn’t mean that you should stare at the other person the entire time you’re being intimate; simply make an effort to lock eyes here and there, and it will go a long way.
Give It Time
Intimacy isn’t something that comes quickly for everyone. For many people, it’s something that takes time to grow. If you get into the bedroom and don’t have an immediate connection, don’t fret: a little imbalance is totally normal when you’re just getting intimate with someone.
Unfortunately, many people have experienced the “instant spark” connection that can make it difficult to allow other connections to grow by comparison. Don’t let the illusion of an instant spark prevent you from seeing the full potential of a connection that takes a little longer to harness.
Have an Open Sexual Discussion
Talking about intimacy with your partner is important. A candid discussion about what you enjoy sexually can make your bedroom life better and can make you feel closer to one another. Trade your embarrassing sex stories and have a conversation about what makes you feel best sexually. During this conversation, don’t be afraid to ask for the things that you want. This is also a good time to discuss boundaries and things that you don’t like in the bedroom.